“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
Anaïs Nin

Friday, September 22, 2017

Salam Hijrah 2017

It feels like a breakup with someone you deeply in love with. and it is just so hard for me to move on, because it was your parents, to tell you to stop loving that someone.

That is how i currently feel with my life. Thanks to Amalia for the methodology she gave to me. Haha. It is so hard for me to move on from the past joyful campus life that I once had.

Moving on into a new life is tough and I am indeed struggling building up my passion in something that exposed me to my major weakness- attention to details.

But I know this is a challenge that I have to face in order to be a better me. I don't know how it will help but I know one sure it will. It is tough, for me, like I have to learn from the start but nothing comes easy kan.

You chose this path Marsya, so you have to go through, and stay until the end.

Aku cuba ambil semangat hijrah. Sedangkan Rasulullah harus meninggalkan kampung halaman untuk start fresh sebelum Islam berkembang maju, macam itu juga aku. I just have to let go what in the past, to improve myself. I know i am not in my comfort zone, after i've stuck in it for so many years. Later, Rasulullah kembali semula ke Mekah dan ketika itu Islam memang lagi kuat daripada dulu. I know, one day, i'll get the happiness that I used to have. It is not that i'm not happy currently, cuma tak se happy dulu with only exams and events that you have to think off. I need some times to adapt to adulthood.

Sesungguhnya ada misi yang lebih besar. I dont know how I can get there, but I know I will. I should be like Khaulah, a fighter, and to be at the top, there are prices that you have to pay, your time with your loved ones, some sleepless night, ongoing motivation and some mental breakdown in between. It ain't easy, life is not easy pun.

Semoga amalan kita semakin baik, sebab aku sendiri risau aku makin tersasar.
I need some medicine for my soul, too.  I appreciate those friends who keep reminding about our ultimate goal, achieving greatness on His way.

Salam Maal Hijrah. Semoga tahun ini lebih baik daripadan tahun sebelumnya.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Fresh start


i'm moving on to a better day, starting tomorrow.
I'll work on my goal- which will be focus on self betterment.
I'll be paying more attention on my family, and learn new things everyday.
I'll give my best in whatever im doing and not hoping anything in return.

I'll take care of those I love, and get rid off those I've loved.

Let's focus on the present, while thanking the past for the memories.

Thanks for those who taught me lessons, thanks to those who taught me perseverance. I'm learning to love myself because nobody else gonna do that for me. And I can't be the one who always chasing friendship when some just don't want to do the same. Sometimes you tend to overdo your effort, and when the word 'over' appears, it means you have to stop.

so, let's stop. memang moderate tu lagi bagus kan. pergi lah create new memories, and be a better version of yourself, marsya.

May Allah ease.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

New world -Working Life

I haven't tell much about my new world.

After I finished my last paper in June, I joined one of the big firm as junior auditor on July 3rd. It was a quick one, i did not have enough rest or time to travel with my friends. i missed some chances. I do feel sad about it, but that's life, there are some things you have to let go, kan?

Bila marsya dapat kerja?

Alhamdulillah, last 2 semester, after I joined an event with APAcS & TalentCorp. Jujur aku cakap, i thought it was a dummy interview, and even if it's the real one, it wasn't my last semester, I had another coming semester waiting, and 3 ACCA papers left. But I knew I had to give my best for the interview. Sebab.. we need to practice lah kan.

Alhamdulillah. Allah works in mysterious way. My 2 close friends yang situation sama macam aku pun dapat. the others, they are all finisihing a.s.a.p. Memang lega la sebab tak payah nak cari kerja. Sebenarnya i was hoping for this one specific  firm, tapi since my current working place ni, HR sepantas halilintar, I accept with no doubt, to secure a place dulu kan. ok tipu lah kalau no doubt, but my mom managed to convince me to accept the offer haha.

So kalau ada program, rerajin lah pergi. funny thing is, aku tanya interviewer aku "how should i improve in my next interview" haha (sebab ingat main main)

How's life?

I'll try my best not to sugarcoat my stories, but I cant be transparent jugak kan? heheh.

The first week of job, I met new friends, went for training, and it was OK. Being in a new place, aku prefer untuk diam dan perhati. Ada masa i felt intimidated after knowing some had gone through internship, and I had nothing. This is my first time working with people, so i'm not sure how it will be.

Mixing with many malays for so long sebenarnya is quite a challenge. Dia jadi, terkejut. walaupun dulu zaman sekolah OK je. It's like, rasa diluted with our orang kita. haha.

On my first day, I chose to sit at the centre row, hujung sekali dekat dinding, dengan harapan tak nak tegur orang (seriously). but then ada this one pretty lady greeted me, her name is louisa. She's in Tax.
On the next day, bila ada our orientation, again, i talked to people in my group. when it's makan time, i'll go out alone. i sat alone, and... syazwan will come. hahah. So baru aku start cakap cakap dengan orang. Lol.

Then i had some other training, met new friends, they are nice. But i didn't talk much (kot). I was still stuttering when i speak (ye. percaya tak?). Some are nice. very nice. Some are so loud, full of confidence. And i was there, still not moving on, hoping my friends would be there with me.

But... luckily, my seniors and friends are mostly in this firm. They really make me feel like home (read home as 14). I suddenly become vibrant and they taught me things, "surviving in big firm 101 for dummies" In this term, i felt so blessed.

Ada je kawan kawan baru yang best. some people, walaupun cakap kejap, rasa macam dah kenal lama kan. Ahh i love this kind of people!

And later, I join this one engagement. Surprisingly, on of my UiTM batchmate ada dekat sini. Phewh. And, i have to say they are helpful, something that i really need. Dah la aku ni blur, lampi. But still im not as loud as i used to be (kot) since most of them dah kenal lama, but they are nice~ at least i know who to talk to when i dont feel good. That is consider good enough kan. (Tapi sebenarnya marsya lebih diam)

Itu pasal environment. what about other things?

Jujur lah, i've told myself, "prepare for the worst, pray for the best" but maybe i did not prepare too much kot. the mind shift is real okay?!

First, i was quite disappointed for not getting the department that i want. Sebulan jugak nak redha, lepas gaji masuk. Hahaha. After dapat this department, i was hoping to get that one specific engagement. Again, Allah knows better. Tu lah dont hope too much. But later, i realized why am i here, seriously banyak hikmah and i cant be more thankful for this.

Working hours still okay.Sebab bukan peak period. Paling lambat pun waktu maghrib, but ok lah kan.

Btw i just started  driving tau.... so.. hmm. now i drive ulang alik to cyberjaya, 40-60mins. daebak lah sya! hahah.

And.. it's a whole new world.

Nobody going to spoon feed you like you used to do. You are now on your own. ada masa you rasa nak marah je but, hey, keep it professional, you are working with peoople kan. Ingat Siva cakap, you are paid to get suffered. Alhamdulillah tak suffer mana lah.

This first few months is my adaption period. Masa nak pergi kerja, balik, manage  my energy, balancing my work life (eceh). Im not saying that it is bad, tapi... "post graduate depression" is real man. You can't stick with your friends, all other friends are separated. You now have to know your priority - paying Petrol, foods (sebab expenses naik melambung okay compared to uni).  Know when to spend time with your family. There will be times, you are just so tired to go out but you miss your friends so much. There are times you just.. can't move on with your university life.

When in Uni, I had the best group of friends. Kawan kawan yang layan hambar aku, yang masak dengan perangai aku, kawan kawan yang tegur aku, dan always remind aku to do goodness. Not saying in working world tak ada, ada tu ada, but of course they are not the same. There are still people checking if i'm okay, but I cant expect benda ni always to happen. Now, as a junior, boleh lah. Hahah.

Senang cerita, you need to grow up.

Hati tak boleh tisu, telan, hadam satu satu.

Waktu awal awal ni, blur tu perkara biasa. Bila kena marah sebab buat salah, normal lah, kalau tak macam mana nak belajar. Sometimes you feel shitty, but it's okay.

Tapi ni belum peak period, confirm lagi sakit nanti. Haha (currently expecting the worst).

Ye, aku culture shock.

But I haven't go through much pun, as much as others. Looking forward for a challenging journey!

Trust me , it is not that bad.. It is fun tho. But it is not an easy transition. It's a phase that all of us gotta face.

May Allah ease